the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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