Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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