I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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