I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
