nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I think my moral compass just broke
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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