oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
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