Jerry, you need to find god
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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