Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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