I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
