filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
