i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize