I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize