No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Randomize
