Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
