You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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