6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize