Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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