So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
