He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
