you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
