I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
