you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
