Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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