The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
