What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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