Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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