i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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