I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
