nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
