so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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