I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
