is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I have peed in a lot of sinks
He has the fingertips of a God
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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