ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
