Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
