she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
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