Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
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