Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
