she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
