he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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