Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
