Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I just had sex on a roof
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
