I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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