Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
