He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
