not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
