I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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