Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
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