its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Randomize
