Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize