I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize