i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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