walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
