I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
