I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
