some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
