i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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