i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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