***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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