eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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