meet me or not, i'm out of control
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
