Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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