fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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