I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
