She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
