My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
