I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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