i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
too bad you live with your parents still
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
