Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
