pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
