His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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