have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
