he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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