had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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