Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
