OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
