my mouth tastes like poor choices
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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