I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
